The rhythm of the next couple of weeks over Easter is going to be a little bit different because our son is off school so we want to take a bit of time together as a family but we’re still planning to do some things on theonehundredyearsproject too 😃👍 I’m (Janet) speaking at our church’s Good Friday service this week and getting around to actually writing what I’m going to say is something I’ve been putting off in all honesty! I thought I’d share a little bit of my personal story in this stuff.

When Neil & I took on leading our last church we began to explore what it looked like for me to teach. Honestly, for me it was one of the hardest things to do. I love to communicate (I’m a proper talker 😂) and I love to listen to the Holy Spirit and see what it is He wants to do in a room! But I quickly found that as I stepped in to try and write talks to share with people in a service there was a major mental block! I had all these ideas in my head that made so much sense when I thought them, but when I tried to get them from my heart to the computer screen everything turned to mush! It was like I couldn’t translate myself onto a page if that makes sense?

My learning style doesn’t really fit into an academic style, (I mean I’m not great at learning from books!) and I’m not a deep theologian. But I love Jesus with my whole heart and I believe He’s put something in me for sharing Him with others. It’s all well and good to understand a little about yourself and your learning style, but I found that as I stepped into teaching, my knowledge about all that didn’t really help, it just lead me to feel hugely insecure and terrified! I am a total gusher emotionally, my heart has a pretty permanent place on my sleeve, I’m passionate, especially when I get talking about Jesus, and I know that I’m a bit much for some people! And every time I went to speak I was all too aware of not fitting into a mould that people were used to when listening to the pastor of a church speak!

I’m not saying this to feel sorry for me by the way 😂 I just wondered if it might be helpful to share a little bit of this story 😃👍

Anyway, over time, we began (very slowly) to learn that, as in everything else I do in life, I needed friends around me to help me get the thoughts in my heart out and onto a page.
In my opinion, everything is better with a friend 🥳 So I reached out and asked an amazing member of our staff team at the time if he would help me try and translate myself.
This began a whole new way of writing for me, and over time, began to take some of the fear out of the process! I wish I was sitting here saying I completely overcame all my insecurities in those days and am here today bouncing to get speaking on Friday evening…but I’m not all the way there yet!

This is the process that began to work for me…My writing friend and I started meeting a couple of weeks before I was due to teach and we’d just chat! Except as we chatted he would take notes about what we said, and he’d ask me questions about what the Lord was saying through different things etc. He then emailed me the notes he took and I wrote them into what I thought I should be sharing! The next part of the puzzle came into place when I realised I don’t really have a gift for linking things together and making them flow. I can talk a bit jumpy sometimes – like I get distracted and take a rabbit trail and then jump back into my main point again 😂 It makes sense in my head but it can be hard for people to follow!

Happily, Neil is AMAZING at teaching, and forming talks, and so he became another talk writing friend for me 😃 After I had written what I thought was important to share I would send it on to Neil and he helped me make it make sense for the people listening 😃👍 It all sounds lovely and smooth when I’m writing it down here now, but honestly it was such a vulnerable time and I really struggled to believe that God could use me and speak to people through my teaching. Every time I taught it cost me A LOT emotionally. I had to really fight to be completely myself – the temptation was to tone down my style so as not to put people off. But I knew deep down that if God was inviting me to share, then it was actually me who He wanted, so I needed to be vulnerable and accept that while some people might not love it, He wanted to use me! So I tried 👍

As I said earlier, I love to talk about Jesus, and so the actual talking part was fun – especially when we saw the Lord break into peoples’ lives in amazing ways 🙌 That’s the only reason I would ever want to speak, we just want to see The King glorified and having free reign to move in people ❤️🙌 Anyway, when we finished leading our last church I honestly wasn’t too sad not to have to teach anymore! I am so thankful for the journey God brought me on in teaching, and how He grew me in security, but honestly, I don’t really miss teaching!

So fast forward to a few weeks ago, when one of the leaders of the church we are a part of now asked me if I’d be up for sharing on Good Friday! Immediately I wanted to say ‘no thanks’ 😂 So I decided I should probably ask Jesus what He would like me to say before I gave my answer. When I was asked, all my old insecurities that I thought I was doing better in flew to the surface and I felt those old fears taunting me all over again. Neil & I chatted about it when we got home and began to pray about it. I think I probably knew right away that I needed to say ‘yes’ to the invitation to speak, but I wished I didn’t have to think about it again yet 😬

Over the next wee while we decided I should say ‘yes’, even just so I wasn’t giving in to fear!
Then came the writing process 😩 For a good wee while I just hid from it really! I didn’t write anything down and really only had a couple of thoughts in my head about it. But eventually, at the end of last week, I sat down and just let all the things I felt the Lord was leading me to think about out of my head! Then yesterday, Neil and I sat together and he helped me get my thoughts into a little more order. Then something new happened – and I feel really excited to share this!

I had decided I was going to get up on Tuesday morning and take some time to write the talk properly – and I felt a wee bit nervous about it, but thankfully not worried like I would have done in the past. But the thing that was different this time was the ease with which Jesus lead me to the writing ❤️ I woke up and naturally began thinking about it, and it seemed clear! It was like I could picture the room and see some of what the Lord might want to do with us as we meet on Friday! So instead of getting up and ready and sitting at a desk to write, I just opened my phone and sat up in bed and began to write – and it flowed 😭❤️

I found it a joy to write, what I believe is the heart of the Father for our service on Friday!
And more than that, I realise how far the Lord has brought me in this journey! I don’t feel like I need to be restrained or fit into any sort of style that doesn’t suit me – I just feel a desperate longing to be a clean vessel that God can use however He wants! My main thoughts about sharing are not to do with how I teach etc (although of course I want to do well) but my main thoughts are that the Holy Spirit can flow through me to minister His life changing power to the people there, and that the King and His Kingdom have room to come and be glorified!

For one of a very few times in my life I can say that I am excited for this! (& a little bit nervous 😂) So this little post is one of thanks! Thank You Lord for the hidden healing You’ve been doing in my life when I didn’t even know about it 😃 And thank You for the ease and joy of the journey of preparing for this weekend – let Your Kingdom come among us ❤️🙌